The Truth about New Years Resolutions!

Last year was a good year. Highlights were Samson's arrival and we purchased an investment property, our first property.

But coming out of 2013 I was feeling greatly discouraged by how the year had gone. The goals and desires we had been working towards just didn't come about and there was nothing we could have done to make them happen either. 

So when 2014 dawned I was not in high spirits, I was still frustrated from the previous year and, in fact, I was not done with 2013! "Come back here you year 13, I've got unfinished business with you!" Life does go on though and yes I was now in 2014 but I was sure to not make any new years resolutions or goals. I didn't want to make goals only to be let down by them. Oh but wait I did have one goal (that I was only willing to share with hubby) and that was to give less of myself to others. I'd felt somewhat hurt by relationships in 2013 that I'd decided to just look after me and care only for myself.

Then February came along and I found myself with my first 'productive' goal for the year. I decided to invest in building stronger relationships with a few people. Hang on, hang on.... what?! All of January I had decided to throw the towel in on investing in others and now, now I was wanting to do the complete opposite! "God, you softened my heart"!

My goal was to pull back from Facebook a little and to get personal. I have many Facebook friends but know few closely. I feel that there is a lot to see about others on social media but few people are interested in getting to know you well. 'Friends' want to know what you're up to but not interested in building a friendship/relationship with you. Its 'nosy' at its best. 

I picked 2 friends who I knew of well (but not closely) and had met and, I wrote to them asking if they'd be interested in corresponding via snail mail or even email. They both live in other parts of the country so having a coffee date isn't an option (at this stage) but that writing to these beautiful women might overtime develop a strong friendship and we'd become encouragers. 

So okay, God softened my heart enough to make one positive goal in 2013 but that was all he was getting out of me.

Apparently not so. A few weeks ago my husband and I were feeling a bit blah about being able (or rather not being able) to connect in our church. We decided to do something about it but we're not moving churches, we're staying at our post! We're "Embracing Our Place" which by the way, is a fantastic talk. I only came across this video last week. Anyway, we're holding our post and we've decided make a conscious effort to try and connect better with the people in our church family.

Sundays are mostly about child wrangling and creche for us so, its often difficult to hold a conversation that doesn't involve running after a wee little man trying to a) eat all the donuts, b) getting drenched at the water bubbler or c) rearranging the music equipment. So we've committed to having people over weekly for a meal. We've moved our date nights to Tuesday evenings and have created 'hospitality Mondays'. Our small abode and my mediocre cooking have always put me off having people over so I'm overcoming that in 2014.  We've been doing 'hospitality Mondays' for 3 weeks now and we've certainly adopted a more positive vibe for being able to connect with others.
God really did change my heart!

I have one more new years goal and that is to find the best coffee in Darwin! Once a week (finances permitting) I want to buy and try a coffee from a different cafe in Darwin. I will be making small reviews on the cafes/restaurants using 'Yelp'. And if you ever want to share in my search than I'd love to take you on my date!

Pen Friends, Where Are They Now?

Yesterday I found myself thinking about the pen friends I used to correspond with via good old 'snail mail'. I wrote to friends who lived only 20 minutes away and then there were friends who lived far away and, I loved writing to each one of them. At what point did I stop sending and receiving letters? What happened? Was there a letter lost in the post, did someone move address, did we lose interest in writing, did busy lives, study and jobs get in the way or, was it technology?

When I moved to Darwin I remember writing to my nanna but sadly she has since passed away. Grandparents are great people to write letters to. Its what they know and its what they did in their day. But I've entered a stage in my life where close relatives are slowly quickly passing away. I've already lost two grandparents in 12 months - but that's for another post. Like our elderly, handwritten letters are fading too. The only other person I currently write to is our sponsor child. 

There's an element of mystery when you write to a friend who you may have only met in the flesh once or twice, and the reason you met was because you were both at the same place for a common reason or interest, a mutual friend even. You know that you both have at least one thing in common. Through each letter received and written there's an unfolding of a special friendship and you're learning about that person with anticipation. 

Today, we seem to stalk for friends on Facebook and hit the 'add friend' button in hope you'll be granted 'instant' friendship. You then scour their profile in attempt discover who they are, photo by photo, status by status, you 'instantly' make up you're own judgement of that person and, who you think they are based on what they have posted. Obviously I do believe a profile says a lot about a person but its all surface knowledge, it's not a close friendship its an acquaintance who we met once and then proceeded to add them on Facebook... to never have another proper conversation with! 

Okay, so maybe some of you use Facebook chat but how often do you chat online with someone you only met once with? Do you get what I'm saying? Friendship on Facebook just isn't deep or intimate enough if you're really wanting to get to know someone and form a close friendship with. 

Social media is merely a stepping stone to close friendship. Other efforts need to be made. That's right, I just said 'effort'. It's too easy to be a Facebook friend, its clicking buttons at your fingertips every so often. A 'like' here and a 'like' there, maybe a comment even.

If there's one thing I've learnt its that friendships require building on and effort (effort you want to put in). Its taking initiative, its making a call, arranging a coffee date, its a meal at your home (which I fail miserably to do) and maybe its a personal handwritten letter. It's making sure you water the seed that was planted so that it grows beautiful and strong. 

I'm feeling like this post is starting to sway from 'writing letters' and turning into a rant about Facebook (which you can read here) but what I'm trying to get across is this:

I miss taking the time to write a letter to a friend. I miss building a friendship through letters and than eagerly looking forward to the day we meet again in person. I miss writing a letter to someone who lives in the same city but who I don't see often. The 21st century is in great need of quality time!