The Truth about New Years Resolutions!

Last year was a good year. Highlights were Samson's arrival and we purchased an investment property, our first property.

But coming out of 2013 I was feeling greatly discouraged by how the year had gone. The goals and desires we had been working towards just didn't come about and there was nothing we could have done to make them happen either. 

So when 2014 dawned I was not in high spirits, I was still frustrated from the previous year and, in fact, I was not done with 2013! "Come back here you year 13, I've got unfinished business with you!" Life does go on though and yes I was now in 2014 but I was sure to not make any new years resolutions or goals. I didn't want to make goals only to be let down by them. Oh but wait I did have one goal (that I was only willing to share with hubby) and that was to give less of myself to others. I'd felt somewhat hurt by relationships in 2013 that I'd decided to just look after me and care only for myself.

Then February came along and I found myself with my first 'productive' goal for the year. I decided to invest in building stronger relationships with a few people. Hang on, hang on.... what?! All of January I had decided to throw the towel in on investing in others and now, now I was wanting to do the complete opposite! "God, you softened my heart"!

My goal was to pull back from Facebook a little and to get personal. I have many Facebook friends but know few closely. I feel that there is a lot to see about others on social media but few people are interested in getting to know you well. 'Friends' want to know what you're up to but not interested in building a friendship/relationship with you. Its 'nosy' at its best. 

I picked 2 friends who I knew of well (but not closely) and had met and, I wrote to them asking if they'd be interested in corresponding via snail mail or even email. They both live in other parts of the country so having a coffee date isn't an option (at this stage) but that writing to these beautiful women might overtime develop a strong friendship and we'd become encouragers. 

So okay, God softened my heart enough to make one positive goal in 2013 but that was all he was getting out of me.

Apparently not so. A few weeks ago my husband and I were feeling a bit blah about being able (or rather not being able) to connect in our church. We decided to do something about it but we're not moving churches, we're staying at our post! We're "Embracing Our Place" which by the way, is a fantastic talk. I only came across this video last week. Anyway, we're holding our post and we've decided make a conscious effort to try and connect better with the people in our church family.

Sundays are mostly about child wrangling and creche for us so, its often difficult to hold a conversation that doesn't involve running after a wee little man trying to a) eat all the donuts, b) getting drenched at the water bubbler or c) rearranging the music equipment. So we've committed to having people over weekly for a meal. We've moved our date nights to Tuesday evenings and have created 'hospitality Mondays'. Our small abode and my mediocre cooking have always put me off having people over so I'm overcoming that in 2014.  We've been doing 'hospitality Mondays' for 3 weeks now and we've certainly adopted a more positive vibe for being able to connect with others.
God really did change my heart!

I have one more new years goal and that is to find the best coffee in Darwin! Once a week (finances permitting) I want to buy and try a coffee from a different cafe in Darwin. I will be making small reviews on the cafes/restaurants using 'Yelp'. And if you ever want to share in my search than I'd love to take you on my date!

Pen Friends, Where Are They Now?

Yesterday I found myself thinking about the pen friends I used to correspond with via good old 'snail mail'. I wrote to friends who lived only 20 minutes away and then there were friends who lived far away and, I loved writing to each one of them. At what point did I stop sending and receiving letters? What happened? Was there a letter lost in the post, did someone move address, did we lose interest in writing, did busy lives, study and jobs get in the way or, was it technology?

When I moved to Darwin I remember writing to my nanna but sadly she has since passed away. Grandparents are great people to write letters to. Its what they know and its what they did in their day. But I've entered a stage in my life where close relatives are slowly quickly passing away. I've already lost two grandparents in 12 months - but that's for another post. Like our elderly, handwritten letters are fading too. The only other person I currently write to is our sponsor child. 

There's an element of mystery when you write to a friend who you may have only met in the flesh once or twice, and the reason you met was because you were both at the same place for a common reason or interest, a mutual friend even. You know that you both have at least one thing in common. Through each letter received and written there's an unfolding of a special friendship and you're learning about that person with anticipation. 

Today, we seem to stalk for friends on Facebook and hit the 'add friend' button in hope you'll be granted 'instant' friendship. You then scour their profile in attempt discover who they are, photo by photo, status by status, you 'instantly' make up you're own judgement of that person and, who you think they are based on what they have posted. Obviously I do believe a profile says a lot about a person but its all surface knowledge, it's not a close friendship its an acquaintance who we met once and then proceeded to add them on Facebook... to never have another proper conversation with! 

Okay, so maybe some of you use Facebook chat but how often do you chat online with someone you only met once with? Do you get what I'm saying? Friendship on Facebook just isn't deep or intimate enough if you're really wanting to get to know someone and form a close friendship with. 

Social media is merely a stepping stone to close friendship. Other efforts need to be made. That's right, I just said 'effort'. It's too easy to be a Facebook friend, its clicking buttons at your fingertips every so often. A 'like' here and a 'like' there, maybe a comment even.

If there's one thing I've learnt its that friendships require building on and effort (effort you want to put in). Its taking initiative, its making a call, arranging a coffee date, its a meal at your home (which I fail miserably to do) and maybe its a personal handwritten letter. It's making sure you water the seed that was planted so that it grows beautiful and strong. 

I'm feeling like this post is starting to sway from 'writing letters' and turning into a rant about Facebook (which you can read here) but what I'm trying to get across is this:

I miss taking the time to write a letter to a friend. I miss building a friendship through letters and than eagerly looking forward to the day we meet again in person. I miss writing a letter to someone who lives in the same city but who I don't see often. The 21st century is in great need of quality time!

Not Fake, Choosing the Positives

I recently read this article on iVillage and it prompted me to write about why I don't post all the bad bits. I read through the comments that others posted on the article and they were mostly negative toward the writer. I'm not quite sure why it was even titled "Why I fake it on Facebook" because from what I read it just sounded like this mum only shared the good bits, and avoided posting the negative bits.

Well, I'm the same and I agree with this mum [writer]. I don't post all the 'bad' bits either. Nobody needs to know that I forgot to change a nappy before putting bubs to bed or that my 18 mo still can't say 8 words like the charts/stats say he should, or that I've had the same load of washing in the machine for 3 days now!  I know I'm not the perfect mother but I already know that I'm a wonderful mum trying to do my best! That's what we're all doing, right? Doing our utmost best for our children who we love dearly. And if I never saw a negative post from a mum on Facebook I don't assume she's perfect or that shes never served up a Vegemite sandwich for dinner. I think she's just another great mum powering on in her role as mother and that she chose to see and post the good above the bad! 

When I do have bad days I usually make a call or shoot a text to a close friend who's also a mother. Another mum who totally gets that you're in tears because you've been up all night with a baby and you've just yelled at your toddler for - you're not sure what! She's had those days and moments too. 

Why set myself up for judgment and negative criticism by posting to the world! Or why should I post in hope that I'll attract enough attention for people to tell me how good a mother I am and, so that I get a bunch of people sending me messages asking me if I'm alright or need something. But most of the time I don't want or need someone to rescue me I just need an understanding ear. If I'm not alright and I want to talk about it then I should initiate that.  

The [not so secret] truth is, that being a parent is damn hard sometimes! And just today I've had a rough morning! I've got two sick babies who are also out of whack because they both had immunizations on Friday and, I am so tired and sleep deprived because my normally sleeping baby wants my attention at 2 hr intervals! Whilst hanging out the washing that had been in the machine since Monday, Rupert got filthy dirty playing with the pot plants, and in my attempt to wash him in the shower he also peed on the bathroom floor and proceeded to walk through it with his dirty feet. That's just part of my morning. It's also just all normal everyday kid stuff but on those off days it all seems bigger then Ben Hur! 

I am not a perfect mother but I try to choose the positive route. I don't want my facebook page to be a whinge-fest just to prove I'm human. All us mums already know what it's really like behind closed doors anyway. We know non of us have it all together, even if it appeared that way. 

I'm honest about my imperfections with others and I love learning from other mums too. Social media just isn't always the right place for it on a continuous or regular basis. 

So whilst I've just shared about my mundane rough morning as a mum (which I will not be posting to facebook) I also want to share my positive 'tidbit' from today. The picture you see at the top of this post, are wooden play eggs lined up on the tv cabinet. I was so delighted when I turned my head from the laptop to hear and see my Rupert bear counting (in baby lingo) as he placed halved eggs side by side. It was both cute and clever. This is the 'bit' I choose to dwell on and remember.

Our Newest Addition

Well its been a little while since my last post so I thought I better not delay any longer and give you all a quick update. If you've liked my Facebook Page you're probably already up to date with my regular happenings.

I actually started writing this post a few days ago and was going to give a slightly more detailed post on the pregnancy and birth of our newest addition. However, I've since felt that its okay to not disclose 'everything'. To be honest, giving birth is something I know to be very traumatic and, that doesn't mean I've had terrible birthing experiences, its actually quite the opposite. I consider both of my babies births to have been very smooth but, there's something about the experience that makes me want to shudder at the very thought. And just thinking about it makes me almost cry to remember the pain and hardship that natural childbirth is. Both my pregnancies had its challenges and hurdles to overcome but, I am thankful that nothing is too big for my God. He has shone His grace and mercies through the skills of my obstrician and midwives.

So now I will introduce to you... Samson Brian! 

Born via natural birth with no drugs on Tuesday 30th April 2013 at 12:20pm. Weighing 3.08kg and 48cm long. He is our little olive skinned baby with almost black hair and dark brown eyes. He is perfect in every way, not that I would expect any less from a creator who sends us everything good and perfect! And not always what we might consider perfect but what he gives us to show us what it is to be perfect in the eyes of God. I say this because I'm aware that there are parents out their who's babes may have been born with a condition that challenges them and, may think that its well and good for me to say how perfect my healthy child is and that I don't know what it is to see them suffer. I don't know. But I know that whatever challenges are put in my/our path, are there to strengthen my character and trust in God.

Our little family is most grateful to God for blessing us with another son and brother for Rupert. 

40 weeks

1 day old

Samson's 1st bath

Facebook & The Friends That Matter

Facebook, what do we think of it? If I were to ask someone I'd most likely get a negative response, even if that person does in fact have a Facebook profile. It would seem that whilst most people use Facebook they tend to express a lot of frustration and disappointment in having one.

And although we would love to delete our profiles and be free of gossip, statuses with underlining meanings, statuses that were intended to offend, unwholesome pictures and posts, statuses that provoke questions but the author isn't interested in answering them, random friend requests and, baffling friend deletes... we still have profiles.

I love Facebook but for all its good things. I enjoy creating events, keeping up to date with friends and family I love but am far from. I like to share tid bits of my life, pictures, encouraging words and uplifting comments. Its also a great tool for informing a 'body of people' about events etc. and to keep in contact with people regularly. But Facebook needs to be managed. If you don't want to manage it than you may be best without it.

Here are some guidelines I "try" to follow that keep me on Facebook without being continuously let down and frustrated.

• Only add and accept friends you are willing to view statuses and posts from, that you know personally, and that you would be comfortable with sharing your posts with. 
• Don't add people if you know your going to be subject to unwholesome pictures and posts. 
• If you have already friended someone who writes posts you don't like seeing, change the settings with that friend to not have their posts appear in your feed. 
• Friend only your friends and those that you would be happy to meet with for a coffee. 
• Avoid friending people just because you want to "sticky beak" into their lives but don't actually want a relationship with and, 
• make the effort to meet up with those that you want a genuine friendship with.
• If you have a personal issue with someone don't just delete them. We need to be mature and go to that person and reconcile our differences first. Social media is often the cause of cyber bullying and has tragically led to teenage suicides so, us adults need to set a good example to the  next generation, by avoiding posts and statuses that attack particular individuals and are intended to offend.
• If you want to avoid random friend requests you can opt to have your name to not appear in name searches.
• I recommend your profile settings are set to private particularly if you post photos of children. 
• Ask permission before posting photos of others, especially other peoples children.
• Be mindful of posting pictures and comments on public (and even closed) groups and pages. 
• When friending someone we should respect their views and beliefs, we don't always have to agree but we can agree to disagree.
• When 'checking in' consider whether you are ok with everyone knowing where you are, especially if your profile isn't entirely private. 
• The person you are in real life, be also on Facebook. Be genuine.
• Theres a saying "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all".

Well, there you have a few tips for managing friends on Facebook but, the main (original) reason for this post was to  encourage people to nurture genuine friendships. To invest in real life 'face to face' time with those we love and care about. Friendships are two way streets so, be the initiator sometimes. Show your friends that you are genuinely interested in 'them'. If you feel that you've endlessly tried to be close with a friend and they don't reciprocate, than thats okay too. Keep them at acquaintance. I often find myself feeling hurt by others because I've opened myself up to people but they weren't willing to do the same. I've often gone the extra mile only to have been left hanging. 

Lets be available to help each other out. Don't let Facebook be the only tool to strengthening friendships. Pick up the phone and let someone know you are thinking of them. Take the time to write a letter in your own handwriting. Arrange to catch up over coffee. Offer a helping hand. Bake a cake. Show your friends you care.

A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17:17