Finding My Feet

I am learning a lot this year. Its only March and already I feel stretched and challenged and even content. All good things!

Last year I yearned so much to be able to move into a house with a yard and bath and well, just extra space! I prayed endlessly for this desire and I cried many many tears, asking God why he would not answer my prayers and hopes. There's more to our 'housing situation' but I don't wish to divulge on a public platform so, if you feel like you're not getting the whole picture then you probably aren't! But basically, I was feeling so consumed with me me me and I I I and want want want that I don't remember being content with what God has already blessed me with? Grateful yes but content no. Not unlike this year, 2013 was challenging and it stretched my faith beyond what I thought I was capable of. This year I am still being challenged and stretched and its my level of contentment where I'm feeling it most. 

Its been somewhat refreshing to not feel so burdensome with anger and disappointment toward God but rather safe in the knowledge that He knows...

  the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11.

Not everyday I wake up automatically feeling content so I found a tool to help me express my emotions. I journal. I haven't been big on journal writing in the past but when I was given a 'daily' diary for Christmas I decided to use it to express my feelings when I was feeling discontent and, frustrated with the things that were out of my control. So when I'm having a moment I write it down and then close the diary, leaving my unhappiness between the pages. It has helped immensely! It saves ruining my day with discontentment and helps me to refocus.
I also write down the good things but the journaling is particularly therapeutic for my times of struggle. I'm thinking a separate journal might also be handy for writing down things to be thankful for daily?!
So with Gods strength, I'm learning that it is possible to be content when things aren't going to plan.

This year I'm also learning that although God may have given me a vision for something it doesn't necessarily mean it will happen with smooth sailing!
In the past I've struggled with where I fit in at church, in the way of ministry that is. We're all supposed to have these so called spiritual gifts and to be an arm or leg of the 'body'! Anyone ever sat through one of those sermons, and then been like "what on earth am I contributing to? Am I a hand or a hipbone? My husband is a talented muso and has always contributed to the church music team. Its always clear that that is where he fits in. And even when he's had times when he feels less than passionate about it he still knows that's where he can fill a need and contribute. I often feel like just the wife of a gifted person without anything to offer to the church body. I've always gotten involved in the churche goings on but just never felt called to a particular area or, I just didn't feel worthy or fitting enough .

Well this year I had a vision [for] and calling to womens ministry and I experienced this overwhelming sense that I know that I know that I know this is where God has placed me in church. But I've been involved in womens ministry for a few years now! And a few years its taken me to realize that this is exactly what God had planned for me in church ministry. Those years of me feeling like such a minor part of the body has lead me to this point of knowing that it may be minor and although its not my - handsome worship leader of a husband at the front of stage - it is still however very important! I've experienced so much frustration in ministry and often felt like giving up on my roll but now that God has revealed his plans to me I have such peace and patience and contentment. When my plans and aspirations for the ladies in our church don't go to plan, its still all okay and this is still part of the journey. I have found my feet and now I must walk the path God has laid before me. I have such a heart for the women in our church and I'm excited for the future.

Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. Proverbs 31:25

   

My Storyboard. My Dreams.

I am a huge fan of Pinterest! It takes me back to the days when I was studying for my diploma in fashion and, I among other students, sat around flicking through magazines [of any kind] in search of inspiration for our next clothing design. We cut, we pasted, and voila… a storyboard that represented a theme. The theme represented our own taste, thoughts, emotions and likes. They may have been someone else’s pictures but we ‘chose’ them.

One of the very first storyboards I created was one that had to represent who I was as a person. I was 15 when I created it and it has hung above our bed for a long time, it reminds me of the person that I am supposed to be. I think back to when I was 15 and I remember how young I was, having completed my schooling and now an emerging fashion student at TAFE. I was so raw and so pure in my thoughts and style. I drew from the current trends but I was never ruled by them. I wore what I liked! I also giggle a little because there were hairstyles and outfits where I now think “what on earth was I thinking?!” but I was my own.

Sometimes I feel so far from who I am. I get caught up in wondering what I ‘should’ be, and the person people want to see. My clothing style is still all mine, I feel no pressure there but my personality, my job status and my dreams all feel stretched and tormented. Will people like me for the person I am?

I look at my storyboard and I see that 15 year old Jessica was a girl with classic and feminine taste, she dreamed of being a wife and the story says she wanted to be a mother also. 15 year old Jessica wanted to represent womanhood and she stood for the sisterhood. She wanted the pretty things of the world to be appreciated. She wanted to have love all around her but, most of all she wanted to generate and radiate that love. 15 year old Jessica tells me that good friendships were incredibly hard to find and build. But as I glance at her board she says that she’ll still be the person she is and the person God created her to be, no matter what. No compromises.

Whilst I may have changed a little over the past 10 years I am no less the girl represented in that storyboard.

I can learn many things by looking back at that board but I know I could teach her a few things too. I would tell 15 year old Jessica that a pearl ring is an impractical engagement ring. I would tell her that age would not make friendships easier to build, and that flower crowns and flowing white dresses would not make a sisterhood. I would tell her that marriage wasn’t all about French kissing and skipping through fields. I would tell her that childbirth isn’t that scary after all but that childrearing is incredibly challenging. I would tell her flowers wither and that almonds are really expensive to buy, and books aren’t something you ‘just’ write. Bet you’re all wondering what this board looks like aye?!

Girls, women, ladies – be sisters! I encourage you to reach out to each other. Mothers, have a girl to girl coffee date without your children. Wives, embrace the unattached women, you were once there. And the single ladies, experience fun with mothers, wiping bottoms isn't the only way they find fun! In 2014 let’s create unity among women from all walks of life. Let’s be the change and radiate love. Accept one another for who they are and let’s appreciate our differences, be it age, taste in fashion or career.

This year I am taking back the dreams that 15 year old Jessica dreamed in that board. 25 year old Jessica wonders if she’s a friend worthy likable character but 15 year old Jessica knows that she is exactly who God wanted her to be. 

Let’s be the sisterhood.