Monday, March 10, 2014

Finding My Feet

I am learning a lot this year. Its only March and already I feel stretched and challenged and even content. All good things!
Last year I yearned so much to be able to move into a house with a yard and bath and well, just extra space! I prayed endlessly for this desire and I cried many many tears, asking God why he would not answer my prayers and hopes. There's more to our 'housing situation' but I don't wish to divulge on a public platform so, if you feel like you're not getting the whole picture then you probably aren't! But basically, I was feeling so consumed with me me me and I I I and want want want that I don't remember being content with what God has already blessed me with? Grateful yes but content no. Not unlike this year, 2013 was challenging and it stretched my faith beyond what I thought I was capable of. This year I am still being challenged and stretched and its my level of contentment where I'm feeling it most. 
Its been somewhat refreshing to not feel so burdensome with anger and disappointment toward God but rather safe in the knowledge that He knows...
  the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11.
Not everyday I wake up automatically feeling content so I found a tool to help me express my emotions. I journal. I haven't been big on journal writing in the past but when I was given a 'daily' diary for Christmas I decided to use it to express my feelings when I was feeling discontent and, frustrated with the things that were out of my control. So when I'm having a moment I write it down and then close the diary, leaving my unhappiness between the pages. It has helped immensely! It saves ruining my day with discontentment and helps me to refocus.
I also write down the good things but the journaling is particularly therapeutic for my times of struggle. I'm thinking a separate journal might also be handy for writing down things to be thankful for daily?!
So with Gods strength, I'm learning that it is possible to be content when things aren't going to plan.
This year I'm also learning that although God may have given me a vision for something it doesn't necessarily mean it will happen with smooth sailing!
In the past I've struggled with where I fit in at church, in the way of ministry that is. We're all supposed to have these so called spiritual gifts and to be an arm or leg of the 'body'! Anyone ever sat through one of those sermons, and then been like "what on earth am I contributing to? Am I a hand or a hipbone? My husband is a talented muso and has always contributed to the church music team. Its always clear that that is where he fits in. And even when he's had times when he feels less than passionate about it he still knows that's where he can fill a need and contribute. I often feel like just the wife of a gifted person without anything to offer to the church body. I've always gotten involved in the churche goings on but just never felt called to a particular area or, I just didn't feel worthy or fitting enough .

Well this year I had a vision [for] and calling to womens ministry and I experienced this overwhelming sense that I know that I know that I know this is where God has placed me in church. But I've been involved in womens ministry for a few years now! And a few years its taken me to realize that this is exactly what God had planned for me in church ministry. Those years of me feeling like such a minor part of the body has lead me to this point of knowing that it may be minor and although its not my - handsome worship leader of a husband at the front of stage - it is still however very important! I've experienced so much frustration in ministry and often felt like giving up on my roll but now that God has revealed his plans to me I have such peace and patience and contentment. When my plans and aspirations for the ladies in our church don't go to plan, its still all okay and this is still part of the journey. I have found my feet and now I must walk the path God has laid before me. I have such a heart for the women in our church and I'm excited for the future.
Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. Proverbs 31:25




  1. Keep up the good work. If you haven't found your place where you feel comfortable then maybe you're on the right track making your own space using your own style so others can gather around you and see if that is where they fit. So much goes unsaid, you've achieved more than realise at our lovely little Church xo.

  2. Thanks A lot Jessica, that word was very encouraging and really helpful, i have often struggled finding my place in the scheme of things and that just reminded me to be patient and that things have a way of working themselves out